His and Hers Sleep Checklists

Women need around 20 minutes more sleep per night than men do. I read it on the internet, so it must be true. Unfortunately, we also suffer from insomnia more often, maybe because we have to deal with men so much.

I’m sorry men. That was uncalled for. I’m a little resentful right now because it’s 3 o’clock in the morning, and all the males in my house—my husband, my cat and my canary—are sleeping. Meanwhile, I’m awake writing about it, which isn’t nearly as restful.

But no more. I’ve gone to that fount of all knowledge, Google, to learn all I can about sleep. And I’ve used what I found there to create the following sleep checklists which address the unique sleep challenges my husband and I face. Feel free to adapt these to your circumstances.

My Sleep Checklist

• Wake up at the same time every day. A good night’s sleep starts long before bedtime and sleep experts say a strict sleep schedule is key, though I suspect the experts who say that don’t have children, pets or hot flashes.

• Get plenty of sunlight early in the day. Since I work indoors, I’ve decided to start getting dressed on my deck.

• Stop drinking caffeinated beverages four to six hours before bed. The effects of caffeine hang on like garlic on your breath. By skipping my afternoon jolt today, I may sleep so well tonight that I can do without an afternoon jolt tomorrow, but probably not.

• Have a nutritious but not heavy dinner at least two to three hours before bed. Nothing I read said this, but I think my husband should cook it. He’s better rested.

• Avoid television and electronic devices several hours before bedtime. They emit a blue light that interferes with sleep, and in my opinion, they emit plenty of other things that interfere with sleep too. I was once awake half the night because earlier that evening I’d passed through the family room and caught a glimpse of the movie Kill Bill. My husband watched the whole thing, but slept just fine.

• Cut back on all liquids at least 90 minutes before bedtime. While sleep specialists say regular exercise improves sleep, I don’t think jogging to the bathroom all night is what they have in mind.

• Eat a light bedtime snack if I’m hungry. Kiwis, bananas, almonds, walnuts, cottage cheese and fatty fish are all thought to aid sleep, though I probably shouldn’t eat them all right before bed. Some people claim turkey promotes sleep too. Others say it’s the whole Thanksgiving dinner that does it, maybe because you get so tired making it. Either way, by the time I get to this point on my checklist, it’s probably too late to start cooking.

• Tell my family goodnight and not just to be polite. This is my warning that if anyone wakes me for any reason except the house being on fire, they’ll get a tongue lashing they’ll never forget. Nobody sleeps well after those.

• Adjust the thermostat. Some experts say the best temperature for sleep is between 60 and 67 degrees. For some middle-aged woman I know, it’s closer to 50. Their spouses wear coats to bed.

• Cover the clock, the television and anything else in the bedroom that gives off even the tiniest bit of light and pull the blinds and blackout curtains. If I’m staying somewhere without blackout curtains, I’ll take a blanket off the bed and nail it over the window.

• Turn on a fan or white noise machine to drown out the sounds of traffic, dogs barking and my own breathing. If any sound is still audible, I’ll track it down and put a stop to it, no matter how faint it is and where in the county it’s coming from. Once while I was staying in a hotel, I got up in the night, walked down the hall and beat on someone’s door. It didn’t help me sleep, but it was quite refreshing anyway.

• Wear comfortable pajamas, and by comfortable I mean PJs made of lightweight, loose, breathable fabric that doesn’t scratch, bind or roll up in the night like a log under my waist. The most comfortable pajamas on the market are so gaudy they’d keep me awake if my room weren’t dark, but it will be dark and this is no time for vanity.

• And finally, go to bed at the same time every night. I may or may not get a good night’s sleep after doing everything on this checklist, but I will be really tired.

My Husband’s Sleep Checklist

• Lie down. Or sit in the recliner. That works too.